If your child becomes aggressive every time you go to the supermarket, then it's fair to assume that being in that environment is the problem rather than the child. Think about what you can do to reduce your child's stress or minimize situations that may be over-stimulating. A few days of jotting everything down could potentially save you years of frustration.Ĭhildren like adults do better when they're more relaxed than stressed. For instance, many children become very out of balance when they eat certain foods like gluten or dairy, processed sugar or food with artificial colours and dyes. Reducing the contributing factors may be the way forward. It can be good to make a note of when it happens and identify any patterns. How else can the need be met? When a child around this age goes through a phase of biting, it can be helpful to tie a teething ring or another object that they can bite onto a ribbon and safety pin it to their top or put it within reach and encourage them to use that when they have the urge to bite.īut most children, especially if older than 18 months, tend to hit, push or bite out of frustration. These issues mostly only become an ongoing problem when a child can't access the calm, level and warm support that they need as they learn. It's not indicative of them being an "aggressive child" or a "naughty child". When you respond by enquiring about their feelings -"Zack it looks like you pushed Sam over when he wouldn't share his toy, are you sad?" - this helps a child start to identify their feelings.īe assured that your child's phase of hitting, biting or pushing is all part of their learning and is symptomatic of them still developing impulse control and healthier ways of expressing their thoughts and feelings. The child who can say "stop", "I don't like that", "I'm annoyed" is less likely to become physically hurt another child when frustrated. Gaining more language and greater understanding of the information they're receiving also helps children to better communicate what they want or need without becoming physical. Your calm consistent patient guidance and support will pay off greatly.
Treat it as a teachable moment without attributing any negative intentions: "oops Jane it looks like you pushed Michelle, let's ask her if she's hurt". Your child is learning through seeing the reaction that the receiver didn't like it (be it another child or parent) and with your patience, they gradually learn to better control the impulse. In telling your child that it hurts, you can be sincere without being critical "ouch that really hurt!" if they hurt you, or "I can't let you hurt your sister", as opposed to "don't you dare do that!" or "that's not nice". As well as learning that it's not okay to hurt others, they need an answer to the question of "but what CAN I do with all this frustration?"Ĭhildren hurting others is often a cry for help as well as guidance relating to what you won't let them do, it's also generally a call for increased connection, warmth, affection, fun, laughter or perhaps they have some big cries locked inside their body that need an outlet.īabies around one year to eighteen months often bite, push, grab or hit out of excitement, experimentation or just because they're oblivious to the other person's space without being aware that it hurts the person on the receiving end. Even though it's not always the case, but mostly when a child acts aggressively, their actions are driven by frustration and frustration can really overwhelm a child who's still slowly developing impulse control, especially when they lose their sense of connection and safety. When your child hits, pushes, bites, grabs or otherwise acts aggressively, telling him/her to be gentle and to not hurt is only a small part of the information and support that they need to learn to understand and respect other people's boundaries.Ĭhildren can hurt each other accidentally, in which case, we can help them remedy the situation by narrating what you see and asking what might have worked better.
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